quiet mind

And the Buddha said: "This most subtle awakening comes about through moment-to-moment attentiveness. By way of attentiveness, there is attunement to the ways in which things manifest, such as form and consciousness. The practitioner awakens to perfect wisdom by becoming blissfully free of dread and all the despair that goes with it..." (adapted from Prajnaparamita).

"I laid down and I tried to take my rest/ but my mind was wandering like some wild beast in the west " (Know you Rider, traditional)

Radio comes on at 5 AM, weather report reminds me that its 5 degrees with wind chill taking it down to -20. Cold, dark, the winter goes on and on, yet its Friday and time to face the day. The news about Blagojavich being ousted and Pat Quinn being installed as the new Governor of Illinois brings another jolt, now the waiting is over. The dire news of the economy, the anticipated budget rescission for the University will no longer be delayed into the vague future, we will know within 60 days. And then as I take the helm of the department I will be faced with some very hard decisions. Seeing what is happening at UIC is rather unnerving. Seminar series canceled and all the out of town speakers now uninvited; all hiring on freeze, so the 4 faculty who've left the department will not be replaced-- what will I face at SIUC? Similar draconian measures? It is what it is and worrying about it never changes anything. The radio drones on while I still hunker down under the covers-- the worst economic news since the Great Depression, new home sales at an all time low, prices of existing house down by 34%, 6.5 million unemployed people filing for relief, Starbucks, Walmart, Allstate all cutting thousands of jobs... yet there is good news. If you are an executive for one of the failing banks you will still be sure to get your multibillion dollar payoff, surely you are entitled. And of course you can still buy that new corporate jet, right Citibank? And the oil companies have new record windfall profits-- exceeding the entire budget of the NIH, NSF and DOE-- ah, yes, we have our priorities..... And the radio reports the terrible traffic snarl and problems with the commuter trains. Ugh. I get up, rather disconcerted. What a day to face.

"See here how everything, lead up to this day
It's just like any other day, that's ever been.... sun going to come up, and sun going down.
shine through my window and my friends they come around--- come around...."

somehow "Black Peter" really speaks to me today. Quiet my mind and listen to the good old Grateful Dead. Sure beats worrying about the cold, the budget rescission, selling the house.... The sun is shining and the day is a bright as a day can be. Think of this and be free.

Baby, it's cold out there!

Here it is, a REAL Chicago winter. Yah baby, this is what its all about. With a high of minus 8 F today, and the wind howling out of the north, I get to experience the full force of winter here in Chicago, one last time. I checked the weather in Carbondale and its unusually cold there--a frigid 19 F. By comparison, that is down right balmy! As I trudged to the El and stood waiting for the train, I could feel actual pain in my fingers and cheeks from the arctic chill. Nothing like it! I stood in the shelter with the sun beaming on my face and felt warm in the core, but frozen on the edges. There are few experiences comparable to waiting for the El on an exposed platform in the Chicago winter. It always amazes me how people stand huddled, immobile, staring down the track trying to will the train to appear. I indulge in platform placing. I stride up and down the platform, always moving, listening to music, maybe dancing a little, making the other immobile riders nervous while I make my passes. Today, however, I did huddle under the lights warming my face in the sun. By my criteria, today is a "nice" day-- the sun is shining. Brilliantly so, reflecting all the sun's warmth off the 18 inches of snow pack we've accummulated in the last week, the pale blue sky with nary a cloud to be seen. Gorgeous.

All my biking these days is on the training stand. My running brother and I have enrolled in a spin conditioning class on Sunday mornings-- 2 1/2 hours every Sunday. It is a new experience for me, to be in a spin class like this where all the other participants are accomplished bike riders. We are training using heart rate tuned to cadence. It is intense and challenging, but quite doable. Class one we spun at max cadence until we were bouncing in our seats, then backed off just enough to stay seated and measured our max heart rates. From this measurement our training ranges were determined. At different ranges of heart rate, different cadences are used. It is so cool to gear up or down to keep the heart rate and cadence in the prescribed range. I hardly notice the pain! Our coach suggests that we do two workouts like this per week and spin on off days. I, however, am determined as ever to cross train and mix indoor rowing, treadmill run/walking and AMT in to get my cardio, combined with matt work for the core, and some resistance training. I could spend two hours a day in the gym if I had the time.

I am intrigued and really enjoying using the indoor rowing machine. I visit the Concept2 website for training tips and to log my results. I consistently crank out 5000 meters in ~24 minutes and am amazed that some of the top rowers in my age and weight range can do 5K in 16 to 18 minutes. It is interesting that my running 5K used to be in that range prior to trashing my knees, and I always marveled at my fellow Clydes who could break 20 minutes in the 5K. With the spin heart rate-cadence work, I was interested in heart rate training on the rower and learned about drag factor. Being the way I am, I of course dial the rower up to 10 for maximum drag so I have to pull harder on each stroke. The Concept2 website advises, however, to use a much lower drag factor, 3-4 which enables one to achieve a much higher heart rate. So low drag, higher heart for the cardio work. I still haven't dialed the drag factor and stroke interval to heart rate, analogous to heart rate-cadence training, but it seems to improve the quality of the workout.

Bike commuting is on hold. I did not ride in December because of all the snow, ice, slush, freezing rain etc. On Jan 5, my first official day at work this year, I rode my bike braving the 16 degree cold. It was dry, not too windy, and the roads were clear and clean. I really liked the ride too. My new neoprene shoe covers that Santa brought me for Christmas were great, keeping my toes warm and dry. And I wore enough layers so I was plenty warm. Fingers and thumbs a bit cold, but tolerable. It was a day like today, clear, cold and sunny. But it was 20 degrees warmer and the roads were clear. Today it is almost impassable on foot, let alone on skinny road tires. I really miss bike commuting. The only solace for riding the El is being plugged into my MP3 player. Riding the El beats driving hands down. Looking at the cars jammed on the Eisenhower while the El flies by makes up for the sardine city experience packed into the El on the ride home. Platform pacing is no replacement for the bike commute, but it is something.