inverted

There is something very invigorating about going upside down. It was one of my personal triumphs, some years ago, when I finally managed to kick up into a handstand. Even so, for years I relied on belting my arms to help me push my arms straight. This year I weened myself from the belt and try to do a handstand every day. Not just inverted, but the back bend you achieve in the handstand really energize. I found that post Pilates, when we do a lot of deep forward bends at the end of the session, it has a depressive effect. I learned from yoga that forward bends cause you to go inward and quiet you, while back bends cause you to go outside and energize you. So post Pilates I go against the wall and kick up into a handstand. I was struggling recently post workouts to get up and realized that doing handstands on the soft mat makes it much harder, as my palms sink below the arch of my hand. On the hard or carpeted floor, voila, right up. My break through in being able to get into a handstand came after a weekend workshop with Francoise Raul, who made the comment that elephants can do handstands and they are not strong enough to lift their bodies with their "hands". It is a matter of stacking yourself up and bearing your weight on your skeleton, not muscling your way up. The final extension, when I lift out of my shoulders to straighten my arms does require strength, but getting up into the position is just a matter of balance. I drop my head as I kick up and my body goes straight over my arms. A handstand a day keeps the doctor at bay. Handstands and pushups seem to be my weight lifting regimen these days. I heard that pushups are nearly the perfect exercise-- cardiovascular and upperbody, core and lower back all in one and they are easy to fit in, any where, any time in any clothes. As we drive cross country I do pushups at every rest area. Handstands though make all my change fall out of my pockets.

wind and knees

Finally, spring has arrived in Chicago, and we made our second trip to lake front for a long run. Ryder joined Saint Stephen and me on his bike and we arrived at Belmont Harbor before 8 on a blustery, clear blue, sunny Sunday morning. We were excited by the prospects of the run, but surprised by how cool the lake breeze made us feel. We headed north onto the path the east of the bird sanctuary and as we joined the path, we were knocked back by the strong north wind. And it was cold! Ryder was particularly unhappy with the conditions, so before we got to Waveland golf course we headed back in to run on the path, instead of along the water. The northward trek to Hollywood was a struggle and Ryder was very unhappy, yet we insisted that we make the trip all the way across the beach to Buck's Block, Ryder's Rock and Stephen's Stone. And so we did. The beach was sheltered and Ryder did not want to resume the journey, but much to his delight, he found the southward trek quite pleasant. It was like running on a different day, warm, sunny, the wind at our backs, we sailed south all the way to the North Avenue overpass, then headed back north on the zoo trail. As soon as we turned north we were back in the wind, and struggled for the last 5 miles. Ryder and Steve found a groove and motored on while it was my turn to struggle. My calves were so tight and my knees were screaming, it was all I could do to motor along at 11+ minute pace. I felt strong, but just very slow. After we were done my knees felt like giant water balloons. As the day progressed my knees ached and I got stiffer and stiffer. Combined with the previous day's yard work, pounding in 12 inch spikes with a 5 pound hammer, my back and arms were sore, and now my legs, a complete body abuse workout. This morning when I got up in the predawn gloom, I creaked and moaned my way down the stairs. I expected I would be sore. But then I mounted my trusty steed and peddled to work. All the pain and stiffness vanished. The miracle of the wheel. My regimen of using the AMT, doing Pilates, and riding my bike to work everyday seems to be helping my fitness and weight control, but it is not doing much for my running. I think if it weren't for Steve I wouldn't be running at all. Of course running once a week or every two weeks and going 10 or more miles makes it hard to get used to. I think you have to endure the pounding to be able to stand it. I love to run. When I ran track workouts, I would dig deep and kick, cranking out sub-80 quarters, flying, gaining speed as I rounded the turns, sprinting to the finish, often passing speedy smaller runners. The Bucky Burst. Ah, but now, my sprinting is limited to short jaunts across the park, chasing my dog. I just don't feel the juice in the legs now. I could tap into that below the belt energy and crank, now, I feel stiff and tied up. Plodding along mile after mile at a pleasant conversational pace is now what my running career brings me. The bike is where I get my jollies. I can ride my heart out, crank as hard and as fast and as long as I have the conditioning for, and not feel any pain. No that's not right, its pain, the burning lactic acid exploding quad blood in my mouth sweat stinging my eyes kind of pain, not that wounded crippling pain that all out running delivers.

Where ever body at?

A bit of a drizzle this morning in the pre-dawn as I rode alone through the streets of Chicago, while my fair weather fellow cyclists were riding their trains and sipping their lattes. I was energized and excited by the raw earliness of the day. I was greeted by a chorus from the Laramie newspaper crew-- "where ever body at?" but our friend at Kostner only gave me one weak "icecream?" I saw the Lanan Welder, deep in the shadows of the building, his welding torch glowing in the dim. The barrels were blazing and I thought about what it must have been like 40 years ago tomorrow when the west side went up in flames. It was 40 years ago today when Martin Luther King, Jr was assassinated. I made up a song-- ode to the NRA-- guns are fun, watching our children kill each other, thinking about the anti-gun rally and the NRA spokesman who declared gun laws aren't working, everyone needs a gun to defend themselves-- yes and soon there would be no problem, everyone would be dead. Gun violence is at an all time high, yes the gun laws aren't working, they are useless, I say take away the guns! OK, go ahead shoot me you gun toting zealots, how dare I say such a thing. You have a gun, go ahead, that's what guns are for, to kill people. Or animals. No other purpose. Just to have them to oil them and rub their phallic shafts to gleaming blued perfection, dreaming about the sound, feeling the recoil, smelling the gunsmoke, watching your victim fall, that's what they are all about, that's what guns are for. The NRA is quick to say, guns don't kill people, people kill people. Yes, people with guns. More than 20 Chicago school children have been gunned down this year already. But who's counting? Who counts? They do. The kid with a gun, didn't mean to kill, just pointed it, and it went off, just meant to thrill, and now, he pays the bill. He joins the incarcerated masses and helps contribute to our national glory, the highest percentage of people in prison in the world. If the NRA had their way, this problem would also be solved. It would be great for business.

Ironically, the west side went up in flames, 29 blocks of west Madison were burned to the ground. K-town, Lawndale, Austin, still suffer the blight, but the gun violence is not happening here. Instead, the ghetto was preserved on the south side. The community banded together and prevented the burning and looting. Every day we hear about more violence, gang activity, death on the streets, and it always seems to be on the southside. People fear for me when I report my daily ride through the west side. I have nothing to fear, the sentinels look out for me as I dodge the glass and bricks and traffic. Riding has given me a great perspective and helped me see the citizens of the westside for who they are. Just folks. Rest in Peace Martin, we are sorry it is taking so long.

The Dream (SIU part one)

Without telling any of my colleagues or members of my lab, I had responded to an invitation to apply for Chairman of Physiology at Southern Illinois University. I was a bit surprised when I was invited to come to Carbondale to interview. I hadn't really thought about being the Chair of a department until last year when friends of mine at the Vet School at U of I suggested that I apply for chair of Vet Biosciences. I thought about it but that was about all. As it turned out they hired a DVM which was what they were really looking for. But it got me thinking about what my vision for a department would be. At the time I was going through the process and had filed all my papers for promotion to Full Professor some months before. The rather tepid support I got from my own department during that process left a bad taste in my mouth, and reminded me of what it is about this department that I don't like and what I would change if I could. And if I was the Chair, I could. This helped me form my vision for how a Physiology department should be-- not one divided between the haves and have-nots where a caste system renders those between grants as 2nd class citizens, where teaching is not incentivized, but is the inevitable role that you get pushed ever further into as your research founders. And I would never take grad students away from faculty when they lose their funding, an act which would perpetuate their difficulties in getting funded again. Funding rules and those who choose to devote themselves to service and teaching are not rewarded but punished. The salary disparity is obscene. Another part of my vision does not differ from what my current Chair has done, to build the department around a critical mass of science. Only the critical mass he built did not include my expertise or recognize my contributions to reproductive biology. Because this is Physiology it is necessary that there be token representation of the other physiological disciplines. I am fortunate to have the reproductive physiology colleagues I have here and in Ob/Gyn, and especially fortunate to have established strong interdepartmental connections via the cancer center. So when SIU solicited my application, I looked at their department and found that I really liked what I saw. The three areas of concentration are reproduction, cancer and neuroscience. Much of my work has embraced neuroendocrinolgy-- so it was indeed a good critical mass to start with. The other thing that attracted me to SIU was Carbondale. SIU is on the edge of the Shawnee National Forest and it is reported to be an incredibly scenic are with abundant access to nature. Not to mention the cost of living and the pace of life are much more appealing than Chicago. Having 11 million neighbors in the 5 county area and northwest Indian makes this amongst the biggest concentrations of people in the world, and this does exact a toll.

Which sets up The Dream. The night before I was scheduled to travel to Carbondale by train, I had this dream, one of those dreams that sticks with you all day, that you keep dreaming after you are awake. I arrived in the place where I was interviewing and it appeared to be in the Himalayas or other vast mountain region, one of incredible beauty with breath taking vistas and pristine natural beauty. The facility I was visiting was geographically dispersed, scattered in several small buildings some many miles distant from the main campus. Inside the buildings they had state of the art facilities with every kind of modern molecular biological equipment you could imagine, and the buildings were modern on the inside, just small. Outside, I was transported to the other buildings by faculty wearing work clothes, cowboy boots and tractor caps. We would stand outside with the incredible vista at our feet as we discussed the institute I was being recruited to. Everything seemed wonderful. Then I asked about the graduate program, the number and quality of students-- and my host and tour guide would answer "this is an incredibly beautiful place to live...." Each time the conversation came back around to the grad program, I would get the same answer, this was a beautiful place to live. I woke up but was still in a dreamspace as I finished packing, showered, put on my traveling clothes and headed off to catch the train. On the way to Carbondale I worked on my seminar, then grew sleepy. As I dozed off, I was back in the dream and as I looked out the window of the Amtrak at central Illinois I was a little worried by what I saw. Shantis and tar paper shacks along the rail road tracks. trailers and cars on blocks. A bleak, barren, late winter landscape of brown and gray. The closer we got to Carbondale, the worse it looked. I was beginning to wonder, what in the heck was I getting myself into.

As the train entered the outskirts of Carbondale the scenery improved dramatically and I felt encouraged. When I disembarked, I was greeted by the current and out going Chair of the department-- bushy white beard, cowboy boots and blue jeans. We got into his pickup truck and he drove me off for a tour of the nearby Giant City State Park. We stopped at Little Grassy Lake and I marveled at the dense, endless forest of dogwoods not yet budding out and the huge placid lake. The park was magnificent and the terrain very hilly. Indeed, it was a natural marvel. Rick explained how SIU medical school was divided between Carbondale and Springfield and when we arrived on campus I saw the low laying brick buildings that housed the department, adjacent to Campus Lake. This was just too eerily similar to my dream! I had the best experience of my career at the interview during which time I met with some 30 different people in 2.5 days and had 7 business meals out. The only time I was alone was in my hotel room at night. It was intense. My seminar was a big hit and I was told that I had the reproduction people convinved I was in reproudctin and the cancer folks sure I was a cancer biologist. When I met with the Dean he told me that he'd heard I was selling well in the department. They did have state of the art facilities and modern well equipped labs. I was pleased that the department would support two grad students per faculty regardless of funding. But when I really pressed them it turned out the single biggest problem is with the number of grad students in their PhD program. My dream was prescient. My charge will be to take this problem on. A problem which many physiology departments have these days. Recruitment.

I guess I did a good job at my interview. I was contacted today by the head of the search committee and I was selected as their top candidate, and that they would be making me an offer. Holy cats! This is all happening so fast. Surely it is meant to be.